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Saturday, 14 November 2009

  • Twenty Five

    1. I did a 25 random facts thing just a few weeks ago, but I just had to get tagged.

    2. My butt currently hurts.

    3. I cleared out more than half my closet today.

    4. I'm supposed to be writing my novel, but I can't think anymore.

    5. My bedroom walls are painted in blue, but I'm thinking of changing it to hot pink.

    6. After today, I've finally made up my mind about getting a tattoo.

    7. My bra size is a...well let's just say I have boobs.

    8. I got a little sad while throwing out my old torn up jeans today.

    9. I want to write "Love" on my arms everyday.

    10. I have to pee, but I'd really like to finish these 25 things first.

    11. I want to have six kids one day.

    12. I can touch my forehead with my toes.

    13. My favorite hookah flavor is cherry.

    14. After having a mac, I'd never go back to windows.

    15. My bedroom has five windows.

    16. The only ticket I've ever gotten was for tinted windows and it wasn't even my car.

    17. I love candles.

    18. I've only been drunk once and I still remember what happened.

    19. I have a twitter account.

    20. I have a facebook account. Have fun finding me!

    21. I'll be 21 next year.

    22. I yell at pedestrians to get off the road when I'm driving.

    23. I can be pretty random so it's hard thinking of only 25 things.

    24. This laptop is getting hot which in turn is making my thighs hot.

    25. One of these was a lie! Can you guess which one?

Friday, 13 November 2009

  • "It's What You Wanted To Hear"

    It was a Tuesday morning, during senior year. I woke up late because I didn't have to go in to school until 10 or 11 since the juniors were taking the HSPAs. I still wasn't feeling so good and I couldn't get what I told him last night out of my head. I went to the bathroom and checked for signs of my period, but nothing. As I brushed my teeth I still couldn't stop thinking about it. I turned on the shower and just sat on the covered toilet seat for a couple minutes. Then I turned off the shower and headed towards my room. I needed to talk to him. I unplugged my phone from my charger and dialed his number. No answer. He was probably in class, but I was hoping he had a couple minutes to talk. Immediately I got a text from him.

    bf: What's up? I'm in class.

    me: Do you have a few minutes to talk?

    bf: Not on the phone. What's wrong?

    me: I still haven't gotten my period.

    bf: It will come.

    me: But it's almost two weeks late.

    bf: Well you said it was irregular.

    me: Yea, but it's never this late and it doesn't feel like it's going to come.

    I wasn't having cramps or cravings or breaking out like usual.

    bf: It will come.

    me: How do you know? What if it doesn't?

    bf: [insert friend's name] already said he'll let me borrow some money.

    I didn't know what to think. Abortion was never an option in my mind. I was hoping we would talk about what we were going to do, but it seems he had everything figured out already. We continued to text back and forth and each text just got worse. His friends sent me a couple of texts as well saying that I was over reacting and needed to calm down. I was shocked he had told them. I never even told anyone we were having sex, including my best friend. Up until that point I didn't think he had told anyone either.

    me: You lied to me, just last week you told me that if anything happened it would be my decision and you would support me with whatever I wanted.

    bf: I only said that because I knew it's what you wanted to hear.

    I had heard enough. This was the guy I loved and trusted. The only person I had been with. I had saved myself until I was ready, not giving into guys or peer pressure, waiting for that special someone to share that special moment with and within seconds everything we had, everything I felt and everything I thought I knew about him was shattered.

    I felt more alone than ever. The one person I truly loved and would have given my life for was trying to convince me to do something that I personally thought was wrong. At that moment I regretted having sex with him. I was a mess. I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to do. I needed to talk to someone. My school counselor? It seemed like my only option. I dried my tears, but I still needed to take a shower.

    "Fuck it!" I said. I put my hair up and threw on some sweats. I still looked like a mess, but I didn't care and it wasn't anything compared to how I felt like inside. I NEEDED someone to talk to. My life depended on it. I was having those thoughts again, about hurting myself, but this time they were stronger and I felt I could actually do it.

    I checked my phone and saw that I had more texts. As I read them I started to cry again. I never thought I would be in a situation like that. We had been so careful, every time. I loved him! I thought he was different. I thought he would be there. He was my last hope at something. I couldn't do it. School was twenty minutes away. I didn't have the strength to walk that far. I told him I didn't care anymore...about me or him or anything. I was numb. I felt halfway dead already. I went to the bathroom with a razor blade.

    Once I saw the blood I felt a sudden rush. I felt alive again. Then I thought it's insane for me to be feeling this way as I watched the blood flow from my wrist, but I didn't care. I felt better. The suicidal thoughts were immediately gone. And a couple hours later after everything had cooled down, my period came. Talk about nice timing.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • You Asked, I Answered Pt. 1

    chelseanataliex asks:

    What's been the most embarrassing day of your life?

    I don't get embarrassed too easily. I'm usually the first one to start laughing when I do embarrass myself, but the one day that does stick out in my mind is the time my ex walked in on me dancing in my room, in front of my mirror while listening to my ipod. Since I had my headphones in I didn't hear him come up and had no idea he was standing there watching me until a few seconds later.

    If you could be any animal for one day, which one would you choose to be and why?

    If I could be any animal for one day, I'd want to be a cute little puppy because they get a lot of attention and I think it would be interesting to spend a day through a dog's eyes and know what they're thinking.

    If you could re-name yourself, would you? Why?

    If you had asked me this question ten years ago I probably would have said yes, but now I would have to say no, because I have a really unique name and that makes me different.

    What are the little things in life that make you smile?


    The little things that make me smile are hugs, dogs, rainbows, strangers telling me something nice, seeing someone I haven't seen in a long time, babies and thinking about the future. I can't think of anymore right now.

    What is your favorite word?

    I'm having a hard time deciding on just one favorite word, so I'll tell you what both of them are. "Fuck" and "Durf" Well fuck just because it's so much fun saying it especially since it's not a nice word to say and now you're probably wondering wtf durf means. Durf is a word I made up. It's a nicer and funner way of saying damn it or shit.

    EternalxPrayer asks:

    What kinds of food do you enjoy?

    I'm really picky with food, but I'm willing to try new things. I enjoy Italian food the most.

    Color?

    My favorite colors are blue and pink.

    Personality?

    Not really sure what you're asking here but if you mean what type of personality I like in others, then I'd have to say people who are open-minded, easy to talk to, compassionate, understanding and friendly, just to name a few.

    Ampersands_Anonymous asks:

    Favorite TV show?

    My favorite tv show is "Friends" even though the show is over and now they only show reruns. It's always guaranteed to make me laugh. 

    Music Genre?

    I don't have a favorite music genre. I listen to all types of music such as rap, hip-hop, reggae and reggaeton.

    Movie?

    I have so many favorite movies, but the two that I could watch over and over again and not get tired of is "The Butterfly Effect" and "What Happens In Vegas"

    Book?


    My Favorite Book is "True Believer" by Nicholas Sparks.

    rajeev_nomad asks:

    Would you ever come to India?

    Yes, I would love to visit India one day.

    When you plan to learn complete hindi language?


    My mom bought me a book when I was about nine that teaches hindi, but I stopped reading it because I used to get confused with hindi and spanish. I'm not sure if I will ever learn hindi because I'm not as interested in learning it as I used to be.

    Which is your favorite indian dish?

    I don't remember what it's called, but there was something my friend used to bring for lunch all the time in fifth grade. I no longer talk to her so I can't call her and ask her the name of it.

    Favorite indian dress?


    I don't have a favorite indian dress. I'm not very up to date with indian fashion.

    Which question you've never answered ever before in your life?

    I'm not sure if there was ever a question asked to me that I haven't answered at least once.

    mellibella asks:

    What is your happiest memory ever?

    My happiest memory was the day after my 19th birthday. I spent the day with my closest family and friends. It's the only birthday I remember where I wasn't pretending to be happy and I knew that people actually cared about me. After having a horrible year it's the day I realized (or thought) that things were going to get better from there.

    wishtoremainunknown asks:

    What is your dream job?

    My dream job is to be a freelance fashion designer.

    What are your goals in life?

    My goals are to become a successful freelance fashion designer, get something published, get married, have children and find my happiness.

    If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

    Paris - city of love and fashion capitol of the world.

    What is a pet peeve of yours?


    I hate when I'm hanging out or at dinner with someone and they answer an unimportant phone call or they're constantly texting.

    xlittlepinkcupcakee3x asks:

    If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?

    The first thing I would do is find a place of my own and move out of my parents' house. After that I have no idea what I would do.

    What would be your perfect day ever?

    My perfect day would be a day where I'm not lazy or depressed or unmotivated. I'd wake up around 8 or 9 so that I could get more things done, take my dog for a walk, come back home and spent about 30 minutes exercising, eat breakfast, shower, write in xanga (what would a perfect day be without xanga) and catch up with other peoples' blogs. I'd do a little bit of the things I enjoy such as sewing, designing, crafting/scrapbooking and reading. I'd hang out with friends (if I had any). I'd eat three meals (usually only eat one or two) and actually spend time making dinner.

    Made2sing4Jesus asks:

    Who are the people who have had the biggest impacts in your life, including music and clothing styles?

    My mom has had the biggest impact in my life, but in a negative way. I'm not sure where I get my taste in music from because I listen to many different types of music, unlike most of the people I have known. As for my clothing style it changes based on my mood. There was a period of time where I wore mostly all black because I was so depressed, but now my style changes from day to day.

    (I will post the second half of the questions and answers later on this week)

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Those Five (Not So) Little Words

    It was Sunday afternoon. My mom and I were in the kitchen making small talk, while she cooked. Suddenly, she brought my ex into the conversation. At this point I kept quiet. I had nothing more to say about him. Frankly, I didn't even want to hear about him. She went on and on about how he lets his friends influence him too much and he's not going to change unless he changes his friends and she's glad that I know what I want. Then she uttered those five words that I had been waiting to hear from her for so long, but had given up on.

    "I'm so proud of you..."

    What? I was in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My mom had only said that to me twice before, but it wasn't genuine and it was for something stupid. I wanted to cry. Doesn't every child want to make their parents proud? And now I know I had finally done something right to make my mom proud. But wait, she wasn't done.

    ...for handing the break up so well.

    I wasn't sure how to feel after that statement. I wasn't sure if I should take it as a compliment or an insult. I understood why she was saying she was proud because she thought my depression was going to get worse and I would try to hurt myself. Basically she was proud that I didn't attempt suicide again. I had no intentions of hurting myself after breaking up with my ex, which is why I don't see it as a reason to be proud. Even if my depression did get worse it's not something that I can easily control by myself.

    After that I started thinking of all the times my ex and I got in fights because of my depression. My mom would take his side and tell me that I should try to be more understanding of him because if I didn't he was going to get tired of me and leave and then things would be worse for me. She tried to convince me to be "better for him" because she didn't want him to leave and now that he is gone she sees that I'm better off without him.

    I suppose I should be proud for handling my depression so well the past few months, especially since I had no support and had to deal with it alone, but when I think about it I feel worse. Even though I'm better off now it makes me sad to think that I had no one when I really needed someone. If my depression ever gets really bad again I don't think I could handle not having anyone.

Monday, 09 November 2009

  • Homemade By Yours Truly!

    Birthday card I made for my cousin last weekend.

    Candle holders I decorated this past weekend.

    Candle with white glitter added on top.

    Front view of candles in holders.

    Top view of candles in holders.

    Birthday card I made for my bf.

    The finished product!

SimplyNita

  • Visit SimplyNita's Xanga Site
    • Name: Nita
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 6/3/2009
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About Me

  • I'm a 20 year old girl who's trying to figure out my life and find my happiness. I enjoy photography, scrapbooking, fashion, reading, writing, listening to music, hanging out and just being creative and productive.

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